one of those "reality hitting me" moments

Urg. I'm just so depressed tonight. I hate being like this...I hate having to work...I just want to be at home with him.

Not here babysitting drunk idiots. Waking up idiots, or doing favors for ungrateful idiots.

Also thinking about the fact that I have to work for maybe 24 (+) years, made me want to stab my eyes out with scissors...

Now I can rest easy at night!!!

Ever wonder where Hellboy will spend eternity? Wonder no more!

http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/comic_book_religion.html

The religious affliations of comic book superheros, supervillians and hangers on!

So...how about the weather?

*rolls eyes*

I just haven't been feeling well lately...think its due to f*ing messed up sleep schedule. I am also trying to work on my anger issues, and my yelling. I still say it isn't yelling, but talking loudly, but, eh. It can't hurt.

Seems like that was actually his wife I was on IM with. OOOPS!

We are finally getting some cold weather...its about damn time, but I hate it when there's no transition period.

Anxiety and knitting

ARRRRRGH!!!

I am dealing with my anxiety issues that plague me from time to time. They annoy me and frustrate me to no end. I know my fears are totally unfounded, but I am (mentally) helpless at changing them. I refuse to use booze to conquer my fear; if I am to conquer it, I need to do so of my own strength and will. I can do it, I have done it before. I have a mental switch that just needs to be flipped into the ON position. Just to find that switch...

In knitting news, Frankenknit 2-Electric Boogaloo is coming along swimmingly. *just probably jinxed it to failure by that statement* *sigh*

*yawns*

This is driving me nuts. I have been so tired lately...anyway. Yesterday right before I fell asleep, I was patting him on the shoulder, and went to sleep with my hand there. I woke up, my hand was still on his shoulder. That was nice. Finally, I'm beginning to relax and not feel like he's going to hop up and run away for another 6 months...wasn't pleased with Night however. Bastard.

Never work on my paranoia.

(watch, my two days off? I'm not going to be able to sleep)

Also with Frankenknit 2- electric boogaloo? I've noticed something that drives me crazy. I swear it looks like every other row I am perling...wtf?

*starting to relax*

Have decided to pick up the knitting again. YAY. I'm starting to feel more comfortable that the errant bf, is no longer errant.

I told him today that if he wants to start some more knitting, since he left his in Texas, he's more than welcomed to help himself to my supply of yarn and needles. I'm also starting to feel more comfortable around him, now that I know he's not going anywhere, anytime soon.

plus? there's nothing sweeter than being awake during cool fall nights.

OMG, LIKE BFF!!! <3

So. He's here again. YAY!

It was great. He steps off the bus, and guess what? We matched. Clotheswise. TOTALLY UNPLANNED.

The ensemble? Khaki Corduroy pants, black tshirt, black shoes.

I was vaguely amused. I told him..."I swear, it's like I called you and said, 'omg! what are you wearing? let's totally coordinate!!'"

He replied that his socks didn't have little pink hearts, and I mentioned I was missing the baseball hat.

We've always had this wheird mental connection going on from day 1, 7 years ago. 8 years ago?

whee. court.

So. Court. Yeah about that.

I wanted to pull my hair out. I cried. I just want a divorce. That's all. According to one of the women who work in the Clerk of Courts office, I need just one little paper. The damn thing could have been signed off on yesterday, except for this ONE PAPER, that my attorney, Frito Pendejo needs to give me. Rita told me to call him, and tell him RITA said to give me the paper.


Frito has not returned my call. If it comes down to it, I might have to borrow the money from k. to pay for this.

I just want this 20 year debacle to END.

on the advice of my attorney, frito pendejo....

At home with the vodka. Yep. Monday morning after work? Going to court to file my divorce papers. I just want to end this stupid 20 year travesty.

such confusion.

I am just tired and disoriented tonight.

I got to work, fell asleep with a sofa cushion on top of me for a lightblock/blanket while watching Adult Swim, woke up to a text from my friend Gerald, and thought...

where the hell am i? what the hell day is it? where in the hell is that noise coming from? OH SHIT! DID I MISS WORK??!!!


Yeah.

Huzzah for my two off days!

Retablos

I have gotten an incredible urge to make a Johnny Cash retablo for him. Come to think of it, I need to make a Hunter Thompson retablo for myself.

ANYWHO...I just ordered a lot of 50 silver milagros from ebay. Because you know, you can never have too many milagros.


Now to start on the designs...

you have GOT to be kidding me...

The one statement made during this visit that nearly made me choke?

He actually said...*quite frankly, I don't know how I got so lucky. I'm very surprised that you have any interest in me at all. I'm just kind of big, hairy and dorky* o_0


*coff* um yeah...

back to lonely

Well...he's going to be gone tomorrow, and it will be back to being lonely.

This sucks. I'm going to miss his kindness, talent, sense of humor. I'm going to miss him.

*going off to cry now...*

back to work...

Oh I'm going to be so tired tonight...have had the past 3 days off. Spent most of last night singing in bed with him.

Loved having him sing to me the most though. Nothing like having cheesy ballads sung to you in bed. :)

woke up @ 3 am

So... Watching Orgazmo with him. He's...a handful.

its really no contest...

Cannot imagine being without him. How often do 6 ft 4 gods of democracy who speak multiple languages, sing, play guitar and write music, and knit, like you?

Um...yeah. Big freak for the win.

squeee!

Well, I finally got the damn songs from him. I've only been waiting now for...6 months? Come to think of it, I finally got him back temporarily after 6 months.

*crossing fingers that he does what he said he would do...it would be cool to have someone in the house to knit with.*

new beginnings.

New ravelry name, new blog. (srsly, i forgot my password/name for the other one)

maybe this time, I'll actually knit something!